Happy birthday...

In a blink of an eye and it’s already 6th of June, my 20th birthday.

Birthday, huh? What is the meaning of birthday? At least…what is the purpose of celebrating my birthday?
It’s true that I used to wish for others to celebrate with me, seeing others have their celebration with their friends and the “star” carries a huge and sweet smile on their face actually sores my heart. I am indeed envy them a lot.
I did quite a lot of stupid things and the stupidest thing I ever did is to remind others when my birthday is going to be. Maybe attention is very important to a little grass in the field back then or maybe popularity is something that the little stone on stony road wished for…
19 years have passed and I have celebrated a few of my birthdays. They aren’t something like what I saw but they are special to me. And the funny part is last year birthday celebration, I guess… A wish that didn’t come true but turned worst, a wish for friendship to last but ended faded in the flow of time.
I should be happy, shouldn’t I? After all, today is my birthday and I’m heading out for movie with my friends. Still…I just don’t seem to feel up to it, I mean I just couldn’t draw a smile on my face. At least…it’s better than a smile that turned upside down, right? Or perhaps I’m comforting myself?
In all these years, I picked up a lot of things but at the meantime, I lost much more. I made myself a clown, I hurt others’ feelings……
Usually, people won’t think about these stuffs on their birthday, do they? Or maybe they do and I just started to grow up, that’s why my action seems to be strange even to myself?
19 years have gone on the time-express and on the first day of my 20th, I’m no longer a person who’ll wish for any celebration for this day in future cause I am not a little grass or a little stone anymore.
“Sorry for those 19 years, I apologise to all of you.”
“The little grass isn’t dead but it has grows. It’s true it’s still a meaningless grass on the wide field, but it’ll be a fertile weed.”
“The stone can’t grow or move itself away. That’s the solid fact but it doesn’t mean that it can’t changed its’ thinking and be thankful for be able to be on the rocky road.”
“Happy birthday……”

1.36 p.m. That was the time displayed on the screen of my phone. And I just couldn’t help myself but to wonder…what I will be doing right at this time if it isn’t 5th of June today, if today is not in the month of June but week day in May before 22nd of May 2009.

“Maybe I’ll be eating at this time?”

“Maybe I’m having a decent time joking with you all in the office?”

“Or maybe I’m pranking someone right now?”

The same songs are being played now. I had the same set of earphones and the same playlist back at those days. Everything seems to be the same yet everything seems to be different. At least…the feeling I’m having differs from what I felt back then. I guess feeling differs when the location and the occasion varies; Those days where I was…someone that shared a part of your primary life, those days where I was talking in front of you all, those days where I was staring at you guys, comparing you guys with my primary self.

Nothing is left by now, nothing but a thin film of the past. Sad, angry, happy, shock and confusion…those scenes can no longer be played back and I could not recall the reason of me having those feelings anymore. I guess…I am really a forgetful person…

I’m sorry cause by now, I still can’t remember all your names or which class are you guys from. Still, those feelings that you all gave me still linger in my heart. Those feelings stood firmly in me like a monument, a monument named “Feelings gave by friends”. Maybe and just maybe…Chu Kok Hou is someone who brings no pictures but only feelings and emotions with him whenever or wherever he left.

“Thank you.”

I thank you all from within my heart...for each and everyone of you, no matter who you are, you guys gave me an irreplaceable memory of feelings, for you all help to mold the Chu Kok Hou now.

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“It’s an unknown when or where we’ll meet again. It’s an unknown whether we may regconise each other anymore in future days. But I pray for you all to be able to walk the right path which leads to your dream.”