Monday 29 October 2007

My dear wife

There're ton of reasons for you to mind about what I did yesterday and the question you asked me today...I'll mind if suddenly you told me you got a so-called brother, I will and I understand the reason..

Remember yesterday there was a cute wife who apologised to her hushband for minding about the way he treated another girl? Actually, there was and is no need for that apology...cause someway, somehow, I felt happy that you minded about it...seriously..

You know?

You're the first girl that could and can spins me around, drives me crazy?
Back then, when you was running away from me, I fell into a state, a so-called walking-zombie... I guess, you must be a pretty powerful witch who could curse me into such state by taking away my heart and soul.

And yesterday, you drived out my will to sleep. I did slept but on and off...cause... Somehow, I am ignorant about the reason too, but I do recall there was a clip kept replaying in my head, a clip of your words, your face while you minded. Thought of that, thinking of that stirred and stirs my mind... Perhaps, it's known as worry or perhaps, it's cause I am afraid, can't bear to see you being like this..

You know?

You're the first and only girl who could make me so addicted to her?
Everyday, I will sure to pay a visit to the blue's room, starting from 11.15 a.m. for few times? Yea, it's weird and I definately agree with it. Who will open the door, while at the same time, telling his friend that his heart won't be inside there? and who'll ask a person for times about a same question that sounds like "oh, she's not here yet?"? It's really weird, right?

And everyday, the moment I openned my eyes, the first thing I will do is dig out my handphone and to check whether you had messege me. I know pretty well that there won't be any messege from you but somehow, a thin hope of having you messeged me while I was sleeping kept me from be able to restrain myself of this dumb act that starts my everyday with a disappointment beginning... Is that called addiction? Addicted too much..

I understand you mind and I realise your worry about our future days. I couldn't stop you from thinking about it..I might not have that ability..but I do know about something, I have the ability to let you know what I truly feel..

My heart is conquered, my body is possessed..
...by someone who is my dear wife, by someone who is named Chee Hui Xin..

You might say there're ton of Chee Hui Xins out there and yea, you're right.
But I love her, I'm not in love with the name...

My dear wife, I want you to know...that no matter what happen in the future, you'll always be my first and only love, the girl that I love the most...

There's no need to worry about anything..cause...

The curse that you put on me can never be lifted, not even by you...now, not even you can lift the very curse...maybe..it's because that I am holding onto that curse already, holding on it and won't let it go no matter what... A unbreakable curse that will last forever...

Those were my thoughts...and I hope you would plant the seed of love together with me..plant, nurse and watch it grows..together..

Please remember this, k? Please remember this, Chee Hui Xin..
Remember that I love you...

Sunday 28 October 2007

sorry


Inch by inch, the road passed under the tires.

And...scene by scene, it just kept going through my head.

The 7th song kept repeating in my earphones and every members in the car kept chatting, but somehow...a plain of silent existed inside of me. Or perhaps...it was not as quiet as I thought it will be, at least...the cry of my soul and the dripping blood of my heart were clearly heard...all along the highway, leaving behind a trail of tears and blood.

Everything that happened in the past...I know it should remain in the past. But every scenes that I saw, every picture that I imagined and every tearing that I felt just couldn't be kept in my vault of memory, just kept on coming back to haunt me, to remind me of the bruises and cuts...

The others said: "if one who really loves someone will always forgive that person, including his or her past". Perhaps, I really not qualified to say I love her...cause the past just kept on coming back into my head...and I know..I do know that it hurts her also, especially when she needs to face it all over again, face what he did to her, face her actions and face everything else in the past of hers. I do know and I do realise about it.

"It's just depends on you whether you want to let go or not, whether you want to free yourself from the past."

It's a true statement. But may be...it's a different story in my shoes or...I just lack out of strenght to untie myself from the chain.

There's a say that those who fail always live at the past and I am one of those who fail. Fail, ignorant and selfish...

Sorry...I guess that part of mine on your left chest was severly injured. And those cuts and bruises on it are deeper than I thought...

Sorry...to remind you of the hurtful past and selfishly make you to face it, face what he did to you, face what you did, face everything. It was my bad that all these will happen at the first place and it is my bad to make u bear the pain of His punishment on me for my action back then...

I'm sorry.


Wednesday 17 October 2007

Love


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xin...help me to count the number of rows..k?

n now count the number of columns..k?


now..fill the numbers u get into the blanks below, k?

(1. number of rows), chu kok hou loves chee hui xin..for..every second, every minute, every day; (2. number of columns) days, 12 months, and every year there are...

i love u, hui xin..
i love u, lou po..