3rd of Sept

The separation of two souls has reached a year; from the first day of it until the 369th of it, a lot of things have changed, and the images, the memories of us being together would definitely be locked away in your never-opened trunk.

Within this sorrow gap of time, the wound have stopped its bleed, things are going back to normal. The journey had led me to a few rose buds, which could bloom into beautiful roses, yet, nothing occurs. The solitary mind draws a barrier around and drown who's inside with loneliness, where the sense of belonging remains irrelevant. 

When a rose was plucked out of the soil, time will assure that the empty space will be filled. Then again, things could never be the same, as there will always be some traces left behind. Perhaps, life wasn't intended to be the same as before, it should be an improved version of the past. Sadly, words could came without much strength and actions, reality requires the fulfillment of requirements, especially the will, which could not be founded up until present time.

As if the mist on the glass, time blurs the pictures and the memories. However, what's known will remain known regardless how blur it gets, and the feeling remains as if the knowledge of the known. 

Solid evidences of the existence of our shared life should be removed, as some were, by a caring mother. Still, it is still preferred for the others to be kept, instead of being removed; the weight of heart increased, and stopped the intention of such act; they are kept, even knowing that they could never see the light again...

There's no more "if only...", just as there's no more hoping for future, with the excuse of passing things into God's hands. However, what's clear is the feeling - loneliness, which never left ever since that day. 

"I miss you. But I know it is just an one-way-route."

Inspired by The Fallin' Rain

Rain fell endlessly from the sky above. His sadness seems to be infinite, so does the weight rested on His heart. He's crying, whose tears were transformed into drops of rain.


It was a silent weep. No noise was made, except the noise of the drops reaches the earth and everything on it. But for a being on earth, that was enough to cover the crying occurred; a sound barrier that provides a private space for those who were in pain to reach in and let out.


For long, the weight carried lied hidden in one. Being too used to it somewhat erased the ability to let out. Perhaps it is of the reluctant to detach from an unusual company in soul, or perhaps it is of the pride of a man who is too much to be shed off. Hence, jealousy rose in him, towards Him and others like Him.


The loneliness from her departure, the sadness followed, and multiple emotions lined up next formed a chain on the heart and soul. Attempts were being made to break the chain, however, none would provide a truthful, lasting freedom...


Tiredness...became the end result of all these fruitless struggles and efforts.


But things won't happen without actions, even prayers would be included as an act. Thus, prayers were made to Him and it goes:
"Dear Lord, I am weak, tired, and fatten out. I feel sad, lonely, and regret. And thus, I pray upon Your might, to lift me of all these emotions that render my smile away. And thus, I pray upon You, to be by my side, my witness, and my strength to climb out this pit, along with the light You shed upon me. I know I am not alone at all. I have myself as company, I have You as company, and I have others as company. I love You and thank You."


Even though the tears couldn't fall on oneself, they could be expressed and carried out in other form. Expressions were meant to be made, not to be kept. Faith, love, and joy would be the best remedy. They might not be the key for the chain, but the chain will no longer be there when one is filled with positive(s).


"I love You and I admit it. However, as future is unknown, I could just wish for happiness and joy for both of us. Take care."

I don't really know which title should I put for this, for I shouldn't be asking for an explanation nor should I be feeling disturbed or snapped, emotionally. However, I did and still am demanding those mentioned. However, I did and still being locked up in this confinement of guts-wrenching and heart-breaking feelings.


I wanted but I won't, asking about why would you prefer so for I know the question will most probably be left unanswered. More importantly, will it make any differences? It's true that the feeling that is conquering my heart is all negatives and the answer I predicted is because I'm an annoy-ment to you. However, even if the reply from you is exactly the same, I doubt it will put a "stop", all it does is just hurting myself...


...just like before, just like now.


The words are harmful and hurtful. I believe everyone will feel the same towards them. However, injury isn't always very painful until it is noticeable, especially small scratches like these, which will not even be felt without the adding of salt on it. Among all the censored wordings and sentences, only one hurts me the most, "she doesn't care a damn about you..."  It successfully slipped through the emotional barrier of mine and made me wonder the truthfulness of the sentence, for till now, you acted as if nothing have ever happened at all...


Perhaps I'm still the same fool as before, just more positive only cause I believe, and I still believe that we will be back together again, and this love story of us will have another new chapter, which will last till the rest of time. In this, the deeper me is saying, "You will do so only because of something else, you will not behave like that out of normal situation. The you I know, is not like this and will never be, no matter how you have changed." It is a belief, towards myself and you, something that will not be altered no matter what.


Regardless, those are self-issues, small issues, which will no longer disrupt my emotion once I lay the final word to this article. Answered or unanswered, it is not important, for this article is not meant to be questioning or demanding at all. However, I wrote this, with just one hope, hope that the words below could reach you and help you now and whenever you need it:


"Take care, both physically and mentally. Health in both is always the key to success. Stress could come in many forms, from different sources, now and future. However, it is never something that meant to torture or trouble someone, nothing ever is. Sufficient rest will do your physical and mental just fine.


Take a break sometimes, even for just a minutes or few, move around, look around, step out of your house, to the front yard... Who knows, you might see something you never notice. But for sure though, you will be both relaxed and charged up if you believe it could help.


You are not, and never will be alone. You still have your friends and your family. Talk to someone, share with others, and draws a smile at the very end of the conversation. Please believe that smile does help, in fact a lot in both physically and mentally.


Have faith, in yourself and your potential. Have faith, always...just like how others believe in you, just like your family, your friends, and your teachers. You will be fine, you will score for sure. Smile~ ^^ "


Thank you for giving me a chance to let all these out. Thank you for giving me a sense of concern and worry. Thank you. ^^


~The End~

Evening at 6

Evening 6.23, part of the surface is golden in color, while people passes by, on wheels or on feet. Sight upon the lake would as if there is a blurry world in it; it is blur, yet it could be seen and recognized; it is similar to the real, yet it is known to be untouchable and unreachable.

When flock of birds are flying over the surface, a flock of birds are blurry seen to be flying within the lake. A blurry self is to be seen within the lake, resulted from an imaginary picture of one standing beside the surface. It is just a mere reflection. That is clearly known. However, never ever, a reflection would be taken with such attention, nor could it be influential as such as well.

Affected within, yet the effect couldn't be clearly defined. Clearly affected, still the reasons are unknown...

Passed by, bicycles that come in team of two to three. The ease doesn't seem to be affected, even while the bikes passed in pairs, parallel to each other. The lone pair of feet, and the single shoulder, just aren't sufficient to be an ease-factor, even with the soft invisible velvet of nature resting on me.

Slowly, every bricks stepped and passed has spots of water on it, as droplets start to fall from the end of hair, and chin. Slowly, the steps taken become smaller and smaller. An act or reluctant from the body could clearly be seen, however, an act of determination from the mind exhibits its existence as well.

"Tired. Yes, I am tired. However, it doesn't mean that I have give in and give up. This lone pair of legs on the brick road, resembles the loneliness within. This single shoulder and the ease of being passed by, exhibits the insufficient of self, the need of you. 

Reflection is but a mirage, an illusion, which is what the hope carried within could be. "Unreachable", "untouchable", and "unrealizable". They are no longer being pushed aside. They are being accepted. It is foolishness indeed. However, foolishness resulted from the will, the will of defending the belief towards the future picture is something self-willing to live with."

Evening 6.55, shoes are being opened and entrance is being faced. A smile is drew, replacing before. Before the iron gate is closed, a glimpse towards the slow-darkening sky, another imaginary picture of a pair could be seen. And with whisper, the gate is closed.

"The fool tried to not-to-be one and he knows he could. However, could doesn't mean wish; decision was reconsidered, and the same is made..."

Right Here Waiting For You

A familiar picture is being portraited through this song. I wish I could really sing it out to the desired you. However, I weren't allowed, restrained forcefully by my conscientious, which defend the smile of yours. 

"Right Here Waiting For You"...

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you...

Right here waiting, regardless of whatever that would come across in future... There's no need to question about the reason, there's no denying of this stupidity, just as there's no regret of these words. A smile, with a nod is the only reply recognized, the only repay needed.