These days, issues're coming up and down like the raging sea; Settled this, and the next moment when i think everything's falling on the right track, another issue pops up. After that, another comes up again...sometimes, i just can't help myself but to wonder, what the hell is happening to my life? Am i a cursed being or what??
How much i wish to shout out, shout out those desperation and frustration in me..but somehow, my logical side's too strong to allow me to fall into that fanstasy. Maybe cause it knows, i won't want to head to the exit and run away from everything...
I admit, i do make a mistake and i do steps across the line of rules, i did bend it somehow. But why when i did change, noone noticed it? Why people always caught me when the whole thing is just a misunderstanding? But then, i guess....all of those will be thought as excuses anyway, n i don't want to run away from anything stored by others, i don't want to put any of this to use cause i don't want give myself anymore space to give out anymore excuses..
"One that always find excuses for himself will never be successful.."
That was what i learnt from someone i respect the most, a teacher that stood behind me before, a teacher that laid enormous hope on me back then. Still...the whole story ended with me crushing those hopes of his, locking him inside a jail of disappointment...
There was one very day, i was advised to resign of the board; The teacher told me that i lost the whole thing already and people everywhere bears a hatred-heart towards me..and it got me bothered, bothered quite alot even till this very second while i'm typing this..
At first, i did intend to resign but then again, i know myself won't be satisfied just like that, i know clearly that i won't take a step behind and go down to these words of theirs, even it means i have to disappoint him again..even though i know, i won't have anymore chance to talk to him anymore once i have choosen this path that i'm walking on right now..
Every words of his that day, marked deep in my heart; I never see him sounded so disappointed, i never expect him to suggest me to resign...
If i followed his suggestion that day, the other issue that wraps me like a snake won't happen; I won't have to go through this..i won't have to receive another punishment for sth tht i....
Am i regret? U may ask...
But everyone knows, it's a lie if one tells u he or she doesn't feel regret over any decision..cause regrets always come to haunt us when our decision ends up with a lousy ending. But then again, another teacher taught me, always staying in a regret-mode, always looking back won't help one to move on and handle what he or she's facing..in fact, it'll just bring him down hard..
Sorry, sir..i know i did disappoint u alot. N sorry, sir...i chosed not to listen to ur suggestion. I understand this path that i chosed is one that i'll have to walk on it alone..like u said, i always hide behind people when sth happened..so, now..if they want to shoot me down, i'll just say...
"Try ur best.."
And all those people that hate me, i don't know whether u all are envy bout me, or i got a big issue with u all..but then again, i apologise that i ever make u all so darn pissed to back-stab me..i know u all won't do that if u all aren't that worked out over me..i'm sorry..i really do...
Still..i apologise for another time..cause when this little piece of article ends, i'll have to say...
"I don't care a shit bout how u all see me or what u all plan to do with me..cause, if u wanna start the darn game, i'll just say..lay it on.."
Sorry..u all are no longer a piece of disturbance in my mind...and i won't hope u all to forgive me or stop ur small actions cause if u all are feeling better doing so..please do so..that's the least i can do for u all, right?
Sorry again..to everyone..
How much i wish to shout out, shout out those desperation and frustration in me..but somehow, my logical side's too strong to allow me to fall into that fanstasy. Maybe cause it knows, i won't want to head to the exit and run away from everything...
I admit, i do make a mistake and i do steps across the line of rules, i did bend it somehow. But why when i did change, noone noticed it? Why people always caught me when the whole thing is just a misunderstanding? But then, i guess....all of those will be thought as excuses anyway, n i don't want to run away from anything stored by others, i don't want to put any of this to use cause i don't want give myself anymore space to give out anymore excuses..
"One that always find excuses for himself will never be successful.."
That was what i learnt from someone i respect the most, a teacher that stood behind me before, a teacher that laid enormous hope on me back then. Still...the whole story ended with me crushing those hopes of his, locking him inside a jail of disappointment...
There was one very day, i was advised to resign of the board; The teacher told me that i lost the whole thing already and people everywhere bears a hatred-heart towards me..and it got me bothered, bothered quite alot even till this very second while i'm typing this..
At first, i did intend to resign but then again, i know myself won't be satisfied just like that, i know clearly that i won't take a step behind and go down to these words of theirs, even it means i have to disappoint him again..even though i know, i won't have anymore chance to talk to him anymore once i have choosen this path that i'm walking on right now..
Every words of his that day, marked deep in my heart; I never see him sounded so disappointed, i never expect him to suggest me to resign...
If i followed his suggestion that day, the other issue that wraps me like a snake won't happen; I won't have to go through this..i won't have to receive another punishment for sth tht i....
Am i regret? U may ask...
But everyone knows, it's a lie if one tells u he or she doesn't feel regret over any decision..cause regrets always come to haunt us when our decision ends up with a lousy ending. But then again, another teacher taught me, always staying in a regret-mode, always looking back won't help one to move on and handle what he or she's facing..in fact, it'll just bring him down hard..
Sorry, sir..i know i did disappoint u alot. N sorry, sir...i chosed not to listen to ur suggestion. I understand this path that i chosed is one that i'll have to walk on it alone..like u said, i always hide behind people when sth happened..so, now..if they want to shoot me down, i'll just say...
"Try ur best.."
And all those people that hate me, i don't know whether u all are envy bout me, or i got a big issue with u all..but then again, i apologise that i ever make u all so darn pissed to back-stab me..i know u all won't do that if u all aren't that worked out over me..i'm sorry..i really do...
Still..i apologise for another time..cause when this little piece of article ends, i'll have to say...
"I don't care a shit bout how u all see me or what u all plan to do with me..cause, if u wanna start the darn game, i'll just say..lay it on.."
Sorry..u all are no longer a piece of disturbance in my mind...and i won't hope u all to forgive me or stop ur small actions cause if u all are feeling better doing so..please do so..that's the least i can do for u all, right?
Sorry again..to everyone..
