Describing love using a plant... I do believe that is a fairly familiar descriptive method applied. One of the example would be that "Love needs patience and commitment from the couple like a plant's needs from the gardener."
My cousin and his wife. They planted the seed of love for about ten years back, during their high school. Both of them looked after the seed; they have been tendering it patiently, fulfilling its every needs, watching its growth. And in time, the little seed grows into a sprout. Its "parents" just kept on with their commitment to ensure its growth.
Weeks and weeks, years and years, nobody truly know about the journey of theirs or the struggles of theirs but after all these time, finally, the sprout grows into a full-grown, where the care needs to be maintained and sometimes, extra fertilizers might be needed. Beautiful flowers started to bloom, flowers that drift from upwards to downwards, covering the path in front of the church as they stepped out, holding hands...
Seconds when their love story is being told and played as a short film, I became the bartender in "Conscience Bar", mixing up Paralyzed but with happiness, enviousness, loneliness, regret, and sadness, instead of cola, milk, Cherry Whiskey, kahlua, and Rye Whiskey; I'm happy for both of them, envy of both of them, and those negatives, they originated from the disability to put together the same love story which I wished to.
Often, I'm telling myself to be strong, to be out of this pit. And it's often, for me to tell myself to not think about her...
Often, I'm telling myself to behave like how I were, so ungrateful to her existence. And it's often, for me to tell myself to find a way to hate her or blame her...
Eventually, it just proof to me that there are other things could be like a plant as well; this heartache that I'm feeling is just like a thorny vine, with no flower, or any fruit. It could be painful to keep myself remain in it, as well as blood-drawing, for me to try to free myself from it. However, I realize that carrying this vine with me will not do anyone any good. Either way, I'll need to trim it down and free myself out of it, even if by the time I made it through, I'll be like after a blood bath.
Favor for myself or favor for others who care about me? The reason remains unknown or wished to be remained unknown. The whole thing that I'm doing now is out of selfishness or other hidden intentions. I'm not sure, maybe cause I refuse to find out. But either way, the outcome would be the same. And either way, the thing I need to do would be the same. The story within just doesn't matter at all, in this short-run...
Until this very moment, I'm still feeling the pain that links me to her but I'm starting to feel happy as well. It's not that I'm not regret over my action in past, but seeing something out of coincidence...
While being the bartender in the dinner, I saw a pair of married couple and I didn't know why as well but the mother to one just gave me the undeniable familiar feeling; she just looks so similar to her... And the father to the one is a guy with specs, just like the guy that she's being with now... I won't deny feeling the stabbing cause I don't think there's a need for me to deny how I felt but at the same time, the happy picture just made a slight adjustment on the lips on the paint of my face.
Staring at this with a confused mind? Feeling weird and funny as well? Sorry, I couldn't explain. All I could say is perhaps I have changed. Is it a good thing or bad thing? I wish that I could tell as well but all I could tell is no matter how much I changed, me is still me, and if things are meant to be, then they will not change at all. I just hope I'm changing to be a better man that could make a better future...
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