Mid Autumn

Light by light, switched off at this time. House by house, peace and quiet is regained. And lantern by lantern, its brightness dimmed; the curtain has fallen on this festive day. It is three hours passed the mooncake festival; it is 3:26am, on 23th of September 2010...

It was the first time for me to not celebrating in my hometown. It was the first time for me to ever call up my grandma and parents, wishing them through phone. And definitely, it was the first time ever for me to not be able to call you up, asking you to look upon the same moon, as I did in past; it was something that I never expected to have happened, perhaps I'm taking you for granted, perhaps I'm over-confident, or perhaps...I already know who am I going to share my future with...

In pairs and groups, people passed by. They carried a lantern in their hand, a smile on their face, and laughter in their conversations. Some, they have each other's hand in their own. Watching them, hearing their laughter, a weird feeling surfaced in me; it wasn't loneliness cause I was sitting together with friends, it wasn't jealousy cause I didn't feel the existence of any sourish thought. What was it then? Was it an emotion called "missing"? If yes, then why was it different from how I felt in past?

A question without answer. An issue that she would no longer care. I would be too, if I were in her shoes... However, it would be the best for this to be kept with myself. Even if she would care like she did in my dream, she would not be allowed to do so, cause one thing for certain, it wasn't something enjoyable...

Hours passed. From the four-walls with beds and closets, we moved to the four-walls with cues and pool tables. Our conversations ended between some of us, and those remained moved from verbal, to slightly more physical. 

Pushed open the glass door, a small "housing area" appeared in front of our eyes; the place was being occupied by people in groups and pairs...

It was not the first time for any of us to set foot in this place, but it was the first time for me to have this "personal experience". Chairs are made available beside each table, mainly for either spectators or supporters. As usual, ours are being unoccupied cause both of us are the players. However, I acted to be a two-characters; regardless of how short or long was my friend's turn, I would sit on the chair and stared at the table quietly, with a smile on face. 

 It was like an unconscious act; I didn't notice it until "Kissing You" was played and parts of the lyrics, which were displayed by both of them snapped me out. Very seldom I would be both a player and a spectator, and those time when I did, she would be sitting on one of those chairs back in my hometown; she would be the one who stared at the table quietly, with her sweet smile on her face...in past...

Unanswered questions started with what, how, why... They would most probably remain as unanswered for a long period of time...

Mid autumn festival or mooncake festival is the time when family and love ones come together. It is like a reunion day for Chinese, somewhat like all other festivals. There were folk tales about this festival, there were traditional practices on this day, which mostly known by me. But just when I thought I've known much about this very festival, an important point was being left out; it seems that mid autumn festival is also a day that allows people to realize more about themselves.

"Happy mid autumn."

These words were typed to be sent to someone special. However, the festival has passed and they just remained as a draft... I'm still emotionally-affected by her, my mind is still being occupied by her images, but I would not remove them, even though she's already out of my life. It's not that I'm still hoping to get her back or refusing to face the cruelty of reality like before, it's just... I still love her...

"Happy belated mid autumn to you. May the sweet smile be kept on your face until the rest of time, and all the best in your exam hours later."