It wasn't ur fault.. All along, it wasn't ur fault and u know it pretty well.. I was the stupid shit who gave u away.. And don't say, even if i did so, u had a choice to choose.. Don't say that cause if i wasn't hiding from myself, if i didn't stop asking u about the question u like me or not, u won't even have a need to make that choice of urs, no chance at all..
I know..it hurts u whenever u think back about the past.. And seemingly, plenty of people asked a very good question, "why am i so stubborn, so useless?"..and the asnwer...i can't even find myself an excuse to make someone i love suffer..cause perhaps, they're right and i am useless...
Sometimes, God has a funny way in playing our show of life. Back then, all those pain i put u through.. Now, i am going through it myself, but not by my own..somehow, He included u as a decoration in that punishment of His..but then again, is it really decoration or further punishment actually???
Everytime my mind touched the past, i was hurt, sorry and pissed. Hurt cause recalling me being there witnessing every stupid chapter of that bloody story book of u n him. Sorry cause i put u through those hurts and make u suffer with me. And pissed knowing how useless piece of crap is him and how ignorant was u.. All these, i can't really let it out but to take it in and somehow, it radiates till u...
Honestly, i asked few guys before and their opinions can be devided into two groups. One is asking me to forget about the past... Another one is saying they won't be with that person even from the start... And funny..i couldn't take anyone of the choice..
I did and do wish to take the first choice, stop bothering about the past..but...those memories and those words u told me, they just kept on linking together, forming a big picture in front of me..putting me through it over and over again..and making u feel the pain as well..
I did question myself y i will be with u back then.. Was it because of revenge? Or wat? But who'll make a revenge that will hurt himself back?? I wonder is there even a guy as dumb as that in the world?? The reason for me being back with u, not revenge, not cause i refuse to admit defeat..it was and is because of three words.. "i love u"..
But sometimes, i questioned..whether i deserve the right to say that..cause like what mr. puvan once told me...if u really love a person, u can forgive everything about her past, forgive and accept it without any questions...but somehow..i failed..i failed and fail..
It's my fault all these will happen in our life..it was my fault and it is my fault.. Sorry to put u through all those.. I'm sorry..
I love u..but do i really deserve to say that??
I understand if one day u can't bear it and leave me.. I won't blame u..cause all these are my faults..just.. I am sorry, xin.. I'm sorry..
I know..it hurts u whenever u think back about the past.. And seemingly, plenty of people asked a very good question, "why am i so stubborn, so useless?"..and the asnwer...i can't even find myself an excuse to make someone i love suffer..cause perhaps, they're right and i am useless...
Sometimes, God has a funny way in playing our show of life. Back then, all those pain i put u through.. Now, i am going through it myself, but not by my own..somehow, He included u as a decoration in that punishment of His..but then again, is it really decoration or further punishment actually???
Everytime my mind touched the past, i was hurt, sorry and pissed. Hurt cause recalling me being there witnessing every stupid chapter of that bloody story book of u n him. Sorry cause i put u through those hurts and make u suffer with me. And pissed knowing how useless piece of crap is him and how ignorant was u.. All these, i can't really let it out but to take it in and somehow, it radiates till u...
Honestly, i asked few guys before and their opinions can be devided into two groups. One is asking me to forget about the past... Another one is saying they won't be with that person even from the start... And funny..i couldn't take anyone of the choice..
I did and do wish to take the first choice, stop bothering about the past..but...those memories and those words u told me, they just kept on linking together, forming a big picture in front of me..putting me through it over and over again..and making u feel the pain as well..
I did question myself y i will be with u back then.. Was it because of revenge? Or wat? But who'll make a revenge that will hurt himself back?? I wonder is there even a guy as dumb as that in the world?? The reason for me being back with u, not revenge, not cause i refuse to admit defeat..it was and is because of three words.. "i love u"..
But sometimes, i questioned..whether i deserve the right to say that..cause like what mr. puvan once told me...if u really love a person, u can forgive everything about her past, forgive and accept it without any questions...but somehow..i failed..i failed and fail..
It's my fault all these will happen in our life..it was my fault and it is my fault.. Sorry to put u through all those.. I'm sorry..
I love u..but do i really deserve to say that??
I understand if one day u can't bear it and leave me.. I won't blame u..cause all these are my faults..just.. I am sorry, xin.. I'm sorry..
No comments:
Post a Comment