It's more than i thought

Accepting the fact u lied to me back then for so long,

accepting that u was being kissed without a trace of struggle,

n..

accepting u did like him even by abit...

I wish to be able to accept all those and i really did...but somehow, the pain is too much for me to bear....

How much i wish to cry it out loud, how much i wish to shout it out...but i just couldn't do so.. Not that i have difficulty in location, just i couldn't bring out any strenght to do all those.. It's hollow inside, hollow but i can feel the pain...feel it but can't do anything about it..feel it but couldn't take out any strenght to deal with it..

I am in pain, my wife.. I really am...

So painful...

So hurtful...

It's not that i couldn't accept n forgive u lied to me.. Actually, i did forgive n accept it.. Just...those following contents, kissed by him and the toughest is that u liked him..even by abit..

I know..today i asked alot of questions about u liked him.. And actually u know what i'm trying to do??

I'm trying to run away.. I'm trying to denied that u liked him.. My sorry self just trying to head to the exit...

U mentioned that u loved n love me..but at the same time, u liked him..

U lied to me that u didn't love or like him n i sensed it..it's just...now, i am hoping that that wasn't a lie..it's just me being sensitive...n u have the wrong idea..

...but..

I know everything couldn't be changed now n i shouldn't run away..

Sorry for that useless behaviour of mine..but it's too painful...

Pain...