My Feelings for You

I'm very angry with you; I'm angry with you bearing everything on your own. But I'm even more angrier with myself; I'm angry with my incompetence and helplessness in being there for you. I'm angry for my disability in reaching your heart and changing your mind. I'm angry with myself for my disability in proving to you that your future is here with me.  

I'm scare as well; I'm scare of loosing you now but I am, not I? However, my greatest fear is that this lost will last for the rest of my life. I'm scare of you; I'm afraid that you will be cold to me, like now. I scare that this coldness will last forever. I'm afraid to try to get you back, for I fear any attempt to do that hurts you even more than now. But I fear for you being in the arms of others.

It hurts me to think about you everyday; your smile, your love could bring joy to me, while your tears and anger draws tears from me. But your coldness now and the words you said that day, the current reality, all are hurting me. It hurts me to know you are fighting to let go of me, just as it hurts for me to receive no more cares and intimacy from you. It hurts when I could just voice my worries elsewhere but not to the one I wish to care.

I regretted; I regretted that I didn't really learnt how to care, love and most importantly, communicate with you. I regretted to have known your feeling so late. I regretted being a source of pain to you, instead of the source of love. I regretted to have not faced my true feeling until now. 

There're a lot of regrets in me. But I could still feel love; I love my memory of you smiling, caring, hug or simply being quiet. I love the time when you find me. I love those memories when you scolded me, trying to improve me. I love You and everything about you. And now, I love working my best to establish a better me and a better life for future, our future...

I hope for your return. I hope for you to do nothing but just to feel my love and care until you feel suffice to response. I hope for you to ask me to pursue you back. I hope you will give me and us another month or year to make the lightbulb of our house better. I sincerely hope...that you will remember and find me whenever you need me now or future.

I love you. Please let me to have the opportunity to tell you that when we stand together in the wedding hall... "I love you".