Invisble Cloud

"Bye. Take care."

The words been typed to her, as well as my sister; last words out of my finger-tips that symbolized an ending to a conversation or a journey of two individuals, two hearts; initial words of unknown time of waiting, missing, and extra for her, an initial for bruises and pain...

These days, the thoughts and emotions are just like the cottons in sky. They could last for a distance of time, or vanish in minutes. They could block the sunshine within, bringing the rain along, or unfold a scene of rainbow and sunshine. They could also be shaped differently by surrounding, to be a form of motivation or the way around. Either way, they remain unseen by others and myself; invisible clouds, which could only be pictured through feeling and realization. 

Occasionally, a same sentence was given to me. A sentence that shows the difference of or changing wants in life. The first she mentioned to me before it ended, which was not being taken seriously by me that time. The second she told me that, as the reason for her times of ending in relationships. And it lays an important question for me to think about and answer: am I able to fulfill the wants?

Showered with tears, shadowed by depression... I didn't really take some time to think about this question at all until now. And it just seems that this ending of me and her was not a wrong thing as well. It hurts for that to be said, but she did have a point, for I were not able to fulfill her wants previously or even now. The promises I made to her, most probably were just lies to bring her back. Sorry, I were selfish.

Honestly, even if she came back that time, this whole thing will most probably be taking a U-turn back to the breaking point. And am I still willing to see her go through those tortures, those lies and pain? I would just answer that with the feeling I have for her, the love I have for her: I will not want that to happen to her again...

She must felt all alone, ignored, or even fear sometimes, while she was in my arms. Her tears, those came out or hidden within, weren't wipe off by me, like I promised. And to make things even worse, I were the one who caused all these to her, even though I promised to never let her drop a single drop of tears. Words that I said, were just a bottle with nothing inside. If he was referring me as the grave, he was right.

Thanks to him, she will no longer feel those feelings of not-being-loved. I apologize for even laying blame on him at the first place, for I don't deserve her at all. This breaking, for her is a right choice, as for me, it is a lesson or an opportunity for me to reevaluate myself. 

It was there. The picture of us holding hands together, with white hair is still there. However, the picture is made out of us carrying the sweetest smile, emitting happiness to whoever is watching it. It is certainly not what she was feeling. And if she could show that smile with him, without me in the picture. Then, let the picture in me be torn apart. 

I am not exchanging my tears for her, nor am I making any noble sacrifices here. It's just I know, after I cried, after I suffered, a better me will be born. And who knows? The picture of mine could be left intact after all? ^^

"Cloud might change, you might change, so am I. However, one thing will never change. You'll always be in my heart, as whatever role given by time and fate. I love you, that's how I feel for you now. Take care and bye..."